Ok, I confess: I sometimes give in to the old fashion gamer’s curse that is rage. No matter how much I tell myself its a game, no matter how well I have played before, I just can’t but sometimes want to punch a sofa or anything soft and squishy that happens to be nearby. Apart from a kitten, though- I’m not a monster! Rocket League doesn’t make me rage that much. Sure, I have days where it isn’t going well, but I largely find it fun, which is a far cry from how I used to be when it came to gaming. I’ve grown up leaps and bounds since then. However, in my online session last night, I came across a guy who was so inexplicably angry that I began to fear for humanity. This is the story of the angriest guy on Rocket League.
Now, I’m going to be classy and keep his identity a secret. After all, with the rage that he showed, I’m fairly sure he has been reported by about half of the players he has come across anyway, so he will get his comeuppance regardless. Suffice to say, due to the fact he had a tag, he is clearly a member of a team, or gaming clan, or possible both. There I was, settling down to play a couple more 2 v 2 matches before I called it a night, when him and his team mate- also sharing the same tag but none of the cockiness- join my match (I was paired with a random). They played quite well, but due to a lucky bounce on kick off, they were 1-0 down to us in just ten seconds or so. Naturally, I spammed the ‘sorry’ button, feeling bad about our fortuitous goal but also happy to take the lead, and I was greeted with the response by him: a hand-typed message that just said “f***ing luckers.” I have already openly admitted that our opening goal was a complete fluke, but such is the nature of the game, and we weren’t even a minute into the match. There was more than enough time for him and his team-mate to come back into the game. I apologised again, before promptly scoring a second goal, which angered him more but apparently not enough to make him want to rage quit. A third went in, courtesy of my randomised online team mate, who was pretty good at the ol’ aerials malarkey. So there we are. 3-0 up with only about 85 seconds or so having elapsed. His anger starts to build up, though, and then come the insults- he called me so many things that I was amazed to learn them about myself. Apparently, I am both a gay man but also married to ‘the ugliest b***h in the world, which is a strange oxymoron that doesn’t make a jot of sense to my logical brain. Furthermore, he’s wrong: I am not married, for one thing, and my lady friend is thoroughly lovely and very pretty. Nevertheless, he manages to take time of his busy schedule of abuse to actually play some Rocket League, and by the time the match ends, him and his partner have scored three goals and pulled it back to 3-3.
So overtime came. There has to be a winner. Next goals wins, and quite frankly, I’m a little annoyed that we’ve let a three goal lead slip. But then he makes a fatal error: he calls me a “lucker noob”. Other than the first goal, which happens to even the pro players, my efforts were calculated and not lucky in the slightest. Their first goal, ironically, came from a lucky bounce, and yet he celebrated it like he had planned the whole thing. He hadn’t. There was no way. I’m also not a noob: I have a master rank. Okay, so the ranking system on Rocket League is all to do with how long you’ve played, and not to do with your skill, but it still suggests that I’ve played my fair share of matches and have gained some valuable experience. I won’t ever confess to be the next Kronovi- the superstar of the game, the Michael Jordan of Rocket League- but I also would comfortably say I’m a lot, lot higher than a simple ‘noob’. Besides, all that ‘noob’ really means is ‘newbie’, and we were all new once. And since when did being new to something instantly become an insult? Only in online gaming, I suppose. Anyway, I was fired up and playing well, and I scored the overtime goal that won us the match 4-3. I was chuffed to bits, to say the least.
Anyway, Captain AngryPants, as he shall now be known, decides that my victory is frankly unacceptable. He stupidly demands a rematch. I agree, knowing that this time, I can and will beat him. It is inevitable. He’s acted too much like an idiot for there to be any other outcome. Anyway, the second match shouldn’t really be dwelt on. We won 4-1, comfortably defending our goal and looking potent in attack. Half way through the match, under a barrage of comments involving the sexual exploits of my mum and my sister (I don’t have one, hilariously), he stops typing and starts shouting actual abuse at me through his microphone. My laptop’s sound is on low, so I can’t hear what he’s saying. Admittedly, it could have been a heartfelt apology done verbally, but the fact he followed that up by typing “Do you hear what I said, f***er?” suggests otherwise. His team-mate, to his credit, said nothing other than ‘GG’ at the end of the match, and said even less in the second match. He left when the score was 3-0, possibly because it was a rage quit. However, I’d like to think he was ashamed of his team mate’s actions and he no longer wanted to be associated with him. At the end of the match, he even goes to far as to blame lag, something which wasn’t an issue in the first match and actually wasn’t in the second for him, either. Bear in mind that the scoreboard showed him to have 28 ping. Also bear in mind that on this evening I was playing with a ping of 34. Neither of us should have been suffering from lag at all, but if either of us was going to, it was going to be me. What he also didn’t realise, upon entering the third match against us and losing 2-0, was that his insults were both absurd and nonsensical.
He said I was so scummy that I wasn’t even good enough to sleep with his mum. Firstly, that isn’t rude to me as I don’t wish to sleep with his mother- not if she could produce such a hideous child- and secondly, it doesn’t exactly sound very complimentary to his own mum, does it? Also, calling me a noob makes you look stupid. If I’m a noob- the lowest of the low when it comes to skill level in a particular game- and I have beaten you, twice comfortably, that must make you something lower than a noob. Is there something lower than a noob? I’ll have to get back to you on that. It’s a bit like saying that I’m really ugly, but he is uglier. It is an insult to me, but it actually hits him even harder. He clearly isn’t very good at this whole insulting thing.
Anyway, that was my first real experience with a proper rager. People rage quit all the time, and that’s fine. It is what it is, and nobody likes getting obliterated in a game they’re normally good at. But to rage and then purposely keep playing, just to hurl abuse and to lose more, which in turn further compounds your misery, takes a special kind of person. I hope he sleeps well, and I hope he gets help for this issues he clearly has in his life. I also he learns to respect his mother a little more. I’m sure she’s a very nice lady.